Water Works

As many of you know, I have worked for the last 2 months for a company called Ascensus in downtown KC. It's a temporary job working the call center side of customer service for 529 college savings plans for people all over the country. My last day is tomorrow, and it will be a real bittersweet departure for me. On one hand, I'm sad to leave the people that have so quickly grown to feel like a family to me. On the other hand, I'm embarking on what I anticipate being the most exciting chapter of my life starting in the next few weeks: getting married, moving into a new house, and starting a full-time career at Cerner.

This, however, isn't the reason I'm posting. I'm posting for a much deeper, more important phenomenon. An art that may not be appreciated in its present day, but will be looked back on for years as revolutionary to the way we look, see, feel, and (potentially even smell) art.

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On one of the first days on the job, I got up to go to the bathroom. While there, I realized that not only did I have to "pay the water bill" as my coworker LaTosha refers to it, but that I actually needed to  pay the gas bill as well.

So, I went in to the handicap stall (what I like to refer to as "the bigger man's bathroom"), and sat down to do my business. As I was sitting there doing what I normally do while going to the bathroom - check the respective social media networks, get caught up on news and text message responses, etc. - I noticed something peculiar on the wall of the stall....

The dispenser for the toilet seat covers gave off quite a unique mirror. It was as if I had my own real life version of Mac's "Photo Booth". Eager to share my hilarious findings, I sent a picture to my best friend, Kathryn Grace Hanson, to show her what I had just discovered. To my amusement, she thought it was hilarious and thus affirmed my ridiculous behavior.

Thanks to my regularity, I continued to have gas bills to pay at work, and I continued to pay homage to my newly found form of photographic flattery in the bigger man's bathroom stall. I sent a picture to my friend, Logan, and he thoroughly enjoyed it as well. I then made it my commitment, right then and there, to send him a picture every single time I used the restroom. Posted below are the results of my hard earned work for the past 2 months at my job - because "when life gives you lemons, you should take a picture of yourself pooping as often as possible" - Abraham Lincoln. 

As I was looking back on my photos, I noticed a few different trends. Sometimes I'd be feeling like a diva...

While other days desiring to have manly features, like the hands of Paul Bunyan.

At times I felt like doing my best C.S. Lewis character impression...

While other times I thought I'd try to resemble a character more festive and appropriate for Christmas.

I then figured out that it was possible to zoom in on your face and make it even better...

And every once in a while I'd just get flat out paranoid that someone was going to find out my secret workplace hobby...

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At the end of the day, I look back on my time at Ascencus and feel very fortunate. I couldn't have been more blessed to work at such a great and wonderful place with such warm and caring people, a great location, and accommodating circumstances to my future endeavors. Although I couldn't be more excited about the future ahead of me, it's safe to say that I'm truly going to miss working there...



...for more reason that one.

"Baby Ruth?"

- Brad.